Pigeon Park Press

Clovenhoof

Getting fired can ruin a day…

…especially when you were the Prince of Hell.

Will Satan survive in English suburbia?

Corporate life can be a soul draining experience, especially when the industry is Hell, and you’re Lucifer. It isn’t all torture and brimstone, though, for the Prince of Darkness, he’s got an unhappy Board of Directors.

The numbers look bad.

They want him out.

Then came the corporate coup.

Banished to mortal earth as Jeremy Clovenhoof, Lucifer is going through a mid-immortality crisis of biblical proportion. Maybe if he just tries to blend in, it won’t be so bad.

He’s wrong.

If it isn’t the murder, cannibalism, and armed robbery of everyday life in Birmingham, it’s the fact that his heavy metal band isn’t getting the respect it deserves, that’s dampening his mood.

And the archangel Michael constantly snooping on him, doesn’t help.

If you enjoy clever writing, then you’ll adore this satirical tour de force, because a good laugh can make you have sympathy for the devil.

Get it now.

Pigeonwings

As punishment for his part in an attempted coup in Heaven, the Archangel Michael is banished to Earth. The holiest of the angelic host has to learn to live as a mortal, not an easy job when you’ve got Satan as a next-door neighbour.

Michael soon finds that being a good person involves more than helping out at Sunday school and attending church coffee mornings. He has to find his purpose in life, deal with earthly temptations and solve a mystery involving some unusual monks and a jar of very dangerous jam.

Heide Goody and Iain Grant have written a wild comedy that features spear-wielding cub scouts, accidental transvestites, King Arthur, a super-intelligent sheepdog, hallucinogenic snacks, evil peacocks, old ladies with biscuits, naked paintball, stolen tractors, clairvoyant computers, the Women’s Institute, and way too much alcohol.

Godsquad

The Team: Joan of Arc, the armour-plated teen saint of Orleans. Francis of Assisi, friend to all the animals whether they like it or not. St Christopher, the patron saint of travel who by papal decree has never existed – no matter how much he argues otherwise. The Mission: An impossible prayer has been received by Heaven and it’s a prayer that only Mary, Mother of God, can answer. Unfortunately, Mary hasn’t been seen in decades and is off wandering the Earth somewhere. This elite team of Heavenly saints are sent down to Earth to find Mary before Armageddon is unleashed on an unsuspecting world. Godsquad: A breathless comedy road trip from Heaven to France and all points in-between featuring murderous butchers, a coachload of Welsh women, flying portaloos, nuclear missiles, giant rubber dragons, an army of dogs, a very rude balloon and way too much French wine.

Hellzapoppin’

Life at St Cadfan’s is never dull. There’s the cellar full of unexplained corpses. There’s the struggle to find food when the island is placed under quarantine. And there’s that peculiar staircase in the cellar…
Being a demon in Hell has its own problems. There’s the increasingly impossible torture quotas to meet. There’s the entire horde of Hell waiting for you to slip up and make a mistake. And there’s that weird staircase in the service tunnels…
Brother Stephen of St Cadfan’s and Rutpsud of the Sixth Circle, natural enemies and the most unnatural of friends, join forces to solve a murder mystery, save a rare species from extinction and stop Hell itself exploding.
The fourth novel in the Clovenhoof series, Hellzapoppin’ is an astonishing comedy featuring suicidal sea birds, deadly plagues, exploding barbecues, dancing rats, magical wardrobes, King Arthur’s American descendants, mole-hunting monks, demonic possession and way too much seaweed beer.

Beelzebelle

To the devil a daughter!
Parenthood can come as a shock to some. It’s especially shocking if you are Satan, the Prince of Hell, and are trying to live a quiet life of semi-retirement in suburban England under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof.
Clovenhoof quickly finds that being a single parent involves more than lullabies and nappies and has to contend with social disapproval, paternity tests and, possibly, the end of the world.
The fifth novel in the Clovenhoof series, Beelzebelle is an anarchic adventure, featuring a psychotic monkey au pair, runaway coffins, badly stuffed animals, strip dominoes, fire-breathing ferrets, pimped-up prams, well-meaning middle-class mums, apocalyptic floods, the largest act of public nudity Birmingham has ever seen and way too much homebrew Lambrini.

Hooflandia

When Jeremy Clovenhoof decides to set himself up as President for Life of his own breakaway country, he knows he’ll need money, lots and lots of money. That might be a bit difficult, particularly since the Inland Revenue have just presented him with an enormous tax bill and Heaven and Hell have sent Joan of Arc and Rutspud of the Sixth Circle to bring him under control.

But nothing can keep this devil down. He’s got the business acumen and the spunk to make a fortune and found the independent nation state of Hooflandia. Come see the really big wall! Enjoy the nudist beach! Visit the combined log flume and waterboarding torture centre!

The seventh book in the Clovenhoof series, Hooflandia, is a ridiculous romp, featuring ventriloquist dummies, cut-price funerals, sexy archbishops, robot cars, musical butt plugs, tax avoidance and a million angry nuns.

Holymoly

Stephen and his friends spent their teenage years immersed in the fantasy gaming worlds of wizards and warriors, undertaking quests to fight evil occultists, vanquish terrible monsters and rescue damsels in distress.

Now, twenty-something years later, there is a real-life quest. Life as a monk has hardly prepared Brother Stephen for the mission ahead. Demon Rutspud is definitely not a damsel, but he is in distress. The evil occultists are real and if Stephen doesn’t rescue Rutspud from a fate worse than death, no one will…

Sword-wielding Satanists, stir crazy demons, super-smart squirrels, magical garbage and a suitcase that cannot be stopped run riot in a story about the bonds of friendship and dark deeds in suburban cellars.

Alpacalypse

All good things must come to an end.

When Jeremy Clovenhoof is called up to serve his final role in the Apocalypse, he’s more than a little annoyed. He enjoys his quiet sinful life in suburban England and has some 2-for-1 vouchers for the local kebab shop he hasn’t spent yet.

While Clovenhoof is whisked away to the afterlife to become an unwilling general in Hell’s final battle with Heaven, his former housemate Nerys decides that she is not going to sit around and let the End of Days just happen to her. If this sad and sinful world needs to be transformed then she’s going to do it herself and avoid any need for angels and demons to get involved.

The eighth book in the Clovenhoof series is a joyful comedy featuring imaginary dogs, kinky cleaners, devious devils, squabbling angels and the most incompetent Armageddon ever conceived.